Two Posts in One Day?

Speaking of beer goggles, Ask Yahoo! has attempted to clear up the myth in this little article.

Since my standards are impossibly high when I'm sober, maybe it's a good thing I'm an alcoholic. Otherwise, I would probably die miserable and alone. Now I'll die happy and with cirrhosis of the liver.

Like Coke Bottle Glasses

On Christmas night, after all the presents had been opened and food had been eaten, we decided to do what all other normal people do . . . drink ourselves mentally challenged (I think that's PC for retarded). I remember the majority of the evening, so we couldn't have been that bad off. In any case, I remember looking in the mirror at the bar and thinking, "Damn! I look good!"

Apparently I had beer goggles for myself because pictures of me from that night proved otherwise. Maybe that's why I was disgusted with myself in the morning for having shared a bed with myself that night.

A Baker's Dozen Minus One

Now that 24 is under way, let me present you all with a "Top However-Many-Reasons-I-Come-Up-With Why This Season Will Rock . . . In No Particular Order Save for the Final Two."

1. President Logan is a Grade-A (or whatever scale feminine hygiene products use) douchebag.
2. The Russians vill shtop (actually, I think that's a German accent) at nothing due to their always being drunk on vodka.
3. Curtis Manning is almost half the man Jack is . . . and that's saying a lot.
4. The Chinese probably still have a part to play in whatever's going on . . . and they have ninjas on their side.
5. Nerve gas?!? That stuff is so dangerous, I don't even actually know what it does.
6. Freakin' Rudy is running CTU.
7. We've not had a catfight over Jack since Season 1, and that did not turn out very well.
8. Martha Logan's aide is quite the looker. Hell, Martha Logan ain't half bad herself.
9. Even as a common blue collar worker, Jack is still a badass . . . which brings us to number 10 . . .
10. Simply, Jack Bauer

Had I been going for the gold, I would have thought of twenty-four reasons. I decided instead to stop at the culturally accepted list length of ten.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Restating the Obvious

I stumbled upon The Tulse Luper Journey tonight, but I'm still not completely sure what it is. My knowledge of it boils down to the following:

• It's an online game.
• It's entirely free.
  
• It follows the journey of Tulse Luper.

That's about all I've got. This site explains the concept a little better than I have feebly attempted to do.

Hell, the game kept me awake an hour or so past my bedtime, so it can't be half bad.

Little Gold?

Although the bag has the word "taco" imprinted upon it, Doritos do not count as dinner.

I'm sure the same holds true for those pizza-flavored Combos.

Mobile Homes

Somebody really dropped the ball with the previews shown on the recently released Wedding Crashers DVD (awesome movie, by the way). Let's recap the two most glaring trailer problems, shall we?

• The New World - The end of this trailer speaks of it opening in 2005. Wedding Crashers was released on DVD in the beginning of 2006. Looks like somebody's a little late, huh? In fact, The New World had a limited theatrical release a full eight days before the Wedding Crashers DVD was released.
• Kitchen Confidential - This critically acclaimed FOX television show was cancelled a month before Wedding Crashers debuted on DVD. The website that the trailer promotes (fox.com/kitchen) does not even exist anymore.

Well played, New Line promotion people. The next time they produce a DVD, maybe they should keep in the mind the immortal words of Chazz Reingold: "Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac."

Apropos for a Party that's Also a Crime

Happy New Year!

I'd like to imagine that, given the far-reaching amazingness of the Internet, the previous exclamation would find its way onto the computer screens of millions. In reality, only my three to four semi-loyal readers will receive it. Maybe I need to initiate some sort of grassroots campaign to publicize this worthless blog. I could . . .

• rent a billboard on a major freeway
• wear a sandwich board around the streets of Minneapolis
• ride a skateboard whilst (what a good word) screaming legfry52.blogspot.com
• speak to the Chairman of the Board of a major corporation (not sure if that would help, but I wanted to continue the whole "board" thing)

In honor of the New Year, I would also like to submit this picture which more or less epitomizes the events leading up to the ringing in of 2006. Some things to note are . . .

• the lack of proper focus -- symbolizing our blurred vision
• the improper framing -- symbolizing our "crossing the line" far too many times
• the ginormous (sp?) smiles -- symbolizing our happiness with alcohol
  
• the squinty eyes -- symbolizing our reflex to the radiance of our party

I was going to use this space to write a collection of resolutions, but three bulleted lists in one posting is both boring and preposterous.