Secondary Characteristic

While browsing pictures on the Facebook the other day, I came to a realization. College boobs now are a lot bigger than college boobs when I went to school. As cleavage is my Kryptonite, I was powerless to stop the further research that would need to be done.

I'd like to quote Joey and say, "Man, there is a lot of porn out there!" Seriously, if you ever have several free hours, just Google "huge college boobs."

My search for the answer to the enlarged bosom question proved fruitless, though. I guess I'll just have to hit up the bars and start interviewing busty coeds.

Well, I Hope [He] Will Remember

If I were ever to open my own bar, it would be named "The Free World." The reasons are twofold . . . just like a wallet I used to have.

1. I would be the leader of "The Free World."
2. When a DJ stopped by to spin his fly tunes, everybody would be rockin' in "The Free World."

I just hope Neil Young doesn't charge me any royalties. Maybe I could use my "I heart" winnings to pay him off.

Liquor is Quicker

We found this little sign at the checkout lane of a grocery store. Apparently you can pay from your checking account with just the touch of a finger instead of swiping your check card.

And here I thought it was a clever slogan for a junior high "alternatives to sex" campaign.

Maybe John Belushi Was onto Something

New studies have found that eating 4 large pizzas and drinking 17 beers and 4 cups of coffee ward off both prostate cancer and cirrhosis of the liver.

I know that sounds like the setup to a joke where the punch line would be contained within this sentence, but it's actually true.

I suppose, though, that once the health benefits of smoking cigarettes and having couches on your front yard are determined, frat boys might actually become disease free.

Narrowly Eclipsing Talking like a Pirate

Synchronized dance is the coolest thing a person can do.

Watch High School Musical or pretty much any classic Michael Jackson video if you don't believe me.