Hail Mary

Last night, Lake Calhoun resembled Lake Tahoe in the penultimate scene of The Godfather Part II.

Maybe it was God's way of telling me to watch The Godfather Saga on Spike TV this week.

Linda Bove

Today I saw a sign which read

Antiques
Park Here

So I placed my grandparents next to it.

Double Deuce

According to my friend, God has a phone number. Apparently it's "247-GOD." Realizing that number has only six digits, he quickly added, "with 2 D's."

The Final Frontier

It's funny how easily one can misread "who replays" when the space between the words is missing.

I'm sure almost anything by Shakespeare would count.

Chicken and Vegetables in a Tortilla?

What the Meteorologist Says

Based on damage surveys around the Iowa State campus the Thursday tornado had estimated winds around 75 mph which puts it in the F1 Fujita Tornado Damage Scale and this would be considered a small tornado.

What My Mom Hears

Based on damage surveys around the Iowa State campus the Thursday tornado had estimated winds around 75 mph which puts it in the F1 Bejesus Tornado Damage Scale and this would be considered a small tornado.

She feels, as do I, that people would be more apt to heed the warnings of a Bejesus Scale rather than a Fujita Scale. Nobody has ever had the Fujita scared out of them.

The Magic Dragon

Between classes, I witnessed a guy out for a smoke break. He was not smoking a cigarette, though. He was going to town on a Swisher Sweets brand cigar. Apparently his cigar addiction was so large that he couldn't wait until classes were over for the day.

I think tomorrow I will drink an ice-cold beer between classes.

Wheel of Morality, Turn, Turn, Turn

I'd like to take this time to relate to you a story told to me by a friend.

The other day, he was donating blood. During the process, the nurse asked him, "Do you drink a lot?"

He replied, "Well . . . not a lot, but I have my nights."

She then stated, "I can smell the alcohol in your blood."

She then noted that it is not uncommon for your blood to still smell of alcohol even days after a crazy weekend.

To protect his anonymity, I will keep my friend's name a secret. As a small hint, I will tell you that it starts with "s" and rhymes with "pawn."

Ian Malcolm Agrees

Peanut butter and jam sandwiches bring order to a world on the brink of chaos.

Kunta Kinte?

If anybody gets a chance, check out The Root City Band on Wednesdays at Gluek's in downtown Minneapolis. They play an amazing bluesy-esque show.

Hell, they even did a cover of "Brick House." How can you go wrong with that?

Or Perhaps Buddy Cianci?

Dear Me,

Make an "I'm With James Woods" t-shirt.

Sincerely,

Me

No Meals Here

Based on my personal experience, I'm going to stop calling buses by their name and start calling them cots on wheels. Every time I ride the bus, I fall asleep.

Sometimes I expect to wake up to somebody sucking my toes.

And the Electric Mayhem

On campus today, I saw a guy riding a Razor scooter on the bike path.

I think he may have been part of -- or had already lost -- a bet.

An NBA Mascot?

Kellogg's representatives were on campus today handing out their latest invention -- Drink 'n Crunch. It's pretty much the greatest thing ever. It combines my three favorite things:

1. cereal
2. milk
3. going somewhere

Now if I could just design a reusable cup that does the same thing. $2 is entirely too much to spend on a bowl of cereal.

Elephant in My Pajamas

After having my first days back at college in over two years, I have made the following observations.

• I think Melinda from Real World Austin is in my literary study class.
• One of my professors is a dead ringer for Harpo Marx. All she needs is a top hat. (Yes, I wrote, "she.")
• I forgot how much rain sucks when you don't have an umbrella.
• Public transportation rocks my world.
• Apparently a bus schedule does not fall into the category of literature.

With that, I think I'll put on my letterman sweater, go to a mixer and dance the Lindy.

Like Peaches and Cream

What is it about sleep that makes it so mysterious? When you want to fall asleep, it is never possible. Neither a positive nor negative expectation of the morning can change that. I start my Christmas countdown on December 26, and come Christmas Eve night, I cannot sleep. I dread mornings when I have to arise before seven, and come the preceding night, I cannot sleep. Why is slipping into an unconscious state so difficult?

Alcohol and a punch to the face both make reaching dreamland so easy.

It Might Lower Your Cholesterol

I made it onto Yahoo! If, for some strange reason, somebody wants to learn about "daily finger exercises," the first site that pops up is mine.

I fear that people will not realize the importance of exercising their fingers until it's too late.

No Code Here

Isn't the Mona Lisa on display in France?