UMass Gymnastics Championship

Yes, I actually showed up to an airing of the "Today" show with a sign in hand that read, "And Then I Met Al Roker."

Unfortunately, that morning only one girl woke up next to me . . . and it was my sister.

Does In?

Has it really been 12 days since my last post? As I really have no excuse for such a ridiculously long absence (besides drinking myself stupid on Shipyard Pumpkinhead Ale), I'll make some up instead.

• I was busy eating one egg a day until the carton was empty.
• I was writing biographies of each of the actors portraying the 12 jurors in 1957's 12 Angry Men.
• I was playing "What's Your Sign Bingo." Each night was dedicated to meeting somebody at the bar with a different Zodiac sign.
• I was keeping tally of the primates in 12 Monkeys.
• I was reenacting the labors of Heracles.
• I was trying to figure out who the twelfth was in Ocean's Twelve.

For those of you readers who were loyal enough to go on a hunger strike until I posted again [I'm looking at you, Nicole Richie], enjoy your dinner tonight.

You Look So . . . Right . . .

Continuing my award-winning "Signs of the Times" series, I present this doozy, which was found outside a store in New York City.

Following in this company's "let's make outlandish claims and hope they're true" footsteps, I will now propose the following.

• I'm probably the coolest person ever.
• My blog is probably the most read on the Internet.
• Women probably want me, and men probably want to be me.
  

It's nice to see that mom and pop stores are still putting forth that extra effort needed to overtake the corporate monolith.

Text Speak for London

As Labor Day has come and gone, it's safe to say that the good times are over. Summer has ended, and the only thing left to do to ring in the autumn months is to name "The Feel Good Song of the Summer." The rules are simple.

1. The song should make you feel good.
2. It should probably have been released on the radio sometime during the past summer.
   
3. Random bubblegum pop songs from random artists generally beat out songs from mainstream performers.

The 2006 recipient of this award will join the prestigious ranks of the following songs.

• 2003 - "Move Your Feet" by Junior Senior
• 2004 - [no award given]
• 2005 - "Haven't Found" by Pras

As decided by me, "The 2006 Feel Good Song of the Summer" is none other than "LDN" by Lily Allen. Sadly, this song is an import from across the pond [i.e., the UK], so many of you have probably not heard it played. Thus, this year I will also present the stateside award to Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man."

Ms. Allen and Ms. Aguilera, as this is a live program, you will be required to limit your acceptance speeches to two minutes.