Hometown Travel Agency

As a special bonus to my [6 or so] loyal readers, I present to you a classic video from the days of yore at UMass.


I've also included the following list of things to notice while watching. Pretend my soothing voice is reading them aloud as though you were listening to some sort of high-tech audio commentary.

• Cordless phones [especially those not plugged into anything] do not sound like that.
• The opening monologue scene took like half an hour to record due to Ethan and Darren laughing in the background.
• The basketball hoop is attached to the wall using athletic tape.
• In the lower left of the basketball scene is the corner of a sign that looks oddly familiar to one that may have once been hanging at Boyden. That's peculiar.
  
• I wonder where that ECAC-looking banner came from.
  
• Ethan was actually standing in the shower fully clothed while Brett flushed the toilet.
• Ethan claimed he had no idea I was filming while he was stroking his putter.
• There's no way the golf ball is initially headed in the right direction. Thank God for movie magic.
• We purposefully rearranged the objects on the desk to enhance the video's low-budget nature.
  
• Am I wearing any pants?

Stay tuned for future weeks when we tackle such difficult topics as a certain gymnast-turned-cheerleader's sexuality and where not to send your children for daycare.

Will He Get a Gold Watch?

Despite two years of effort to get my "I Heart Hoiberg" campaign off the ground, it was all for naught. Everybody's favorite three-point shooting white boy Fred Hoiberg announced his retirement earlier this week.

Single tear.

I might try to hire him to shoot three-pointers in my driveway for my own personal enjoyment.

As Long as It Was Empty First

Even though I went to all three of my classes today, the most important thing I learned happened off campus.

If you remove the thick bottom from a shot glass, a garbage disposal can and will destroy it.

Also Known as Ocho

It appears that Veronica Wellington (my VW Jetta) has a new love interest. His name is Herbie. She found him in the Seven Corners Municipal Parking Ramp, and it was love at first sight.

They have planned a June wedding and will probably expect their first litter of toy cars in the near future. Lord knows Veronica has the necessary birthing hips.